Lessons from Mastering Civility: A Manifesto for the Workplace by Christine Porath
I found this book a couple of years ago when reading The Harvard Business Review. There was an article about burnout in frontline workers. Since many of my customers are frontline workers, I was intrigued. I read the article, and then I read the book. I think the principles behind this book are profound for one reason:
MY behavior is completely under my control. If I control that behavior in a way that makes my team more productive, it might be the most profitable change I make in my organization this year.
Then last week I read another article in the Harvard Business Review titled “Your Burnout is Trying to Tell You Something”, by Kandi Wiens. In this article, she shares that the single biggest cause of negative outcomes in a workplace is a toxic work environment.
I decided it was time I pulled out my book notes. Here are my lessons from the book:
Civility Improves Employee Retention
The book ties a line through all the ways that civility will impact your business. Some of them are more obvious than others.
Employees are more likely to stay at your organization if they like your work environment. The opposite is that they will be more likely to leave if they feel it to be a toxic work environment.
I’m going to steal the definition of Toxic from Kandi Wiens’ article
““Toxic” can be a catch-all term, but it generally refers to behaviors that leave a person feeling belittled, disrespected, intimidated, unsafe, or undermined. At work, it can take the form of harassment, unfair treatment, cutthroat competition, manipulation, gossiping, gaslighting, unethical behavior, or abusive management.” - “Your Burnout is Trying to Tell You Something.”
Let’s remember that turnover is incredibly expensive. It costs a terrible amount of money to find employees and train them. Depending on your line of work, employees don’t bring a tremendous amount of value until they’ve been on the job for an extended time. With insurance, when my agency trains a person with no insurance experience, we find it takes 2 years to get a person fully up to speed and independent.
Civility Improves Employee Productivity
“The American Psychology Association estimates workplace stress costs the US economy $500 billion a year” (p. 16)
People are less productive when feel they are not in a safe space. They work slower on purpose. The quality of their work is reduced. They spend time thinking about the event that happened. They spend less time at work. And they feel less committed to the organization.
Honestly, can you blame them?
If your boss belittles you on a conference call in front of your peers, does it take a while to get your bearings? Maybe you have to go for a walk to calm down. Maybe you get thoughts together and a week from now it pops into your head without warning.
Now when you see your boss in the break room, you wait until he’s done eating his lunch before you go eat your own.
This is human behavior. And it takes away from the mission.
Customers Notice
Let’s take the story of the person belittled on a conference call by their boss and examine how it would impact their interactions with a customer.
While the employee was on a walk to cool their head, they missed several customer calls. It created service delays. When the employee did call the customers back, they were distracted, and their guidance was either not helpful or incomplete. Perhaps the customer was upset about something, and the employee didn’t seem emotionally available.
Can you blame the customer for being upset? Can you blame the employee for feeling a little emotionally empty during the call?
Customers Are More Forgiving To People and Businesses They Like
“People tend to file malpractice suits because of poor medical care and how the patient feels about the doctor’s behavior.” (p. 32)
This idea hit me like an anvil. A doctor’s bedside manner makes a difference in whether they will be sued if they make a mistake. A doctor who is cold, abrupt, and emotionally distant will be more likely to be listed in a malpractice suit. A doctor who is warm, caring, and available, is less likely to be listed.
My jaw hit the floor. I spend a lot of time thinking about risk management practices like screening employees, driver training, onboarding, policies and procedures, etc…
You mean to tell me that the best advice I can give to a manager to prevent lawsuits is to be nice to their employees?
Obviously, being nice doesn’t get you off the hook for everything. Documentation is still critical. People have a way of liking you a lot less after you’ve made a terrible mistake. But being civil is an underrated part of the equation.
Being Civil Will Buy You Goodwill
If the customer is less likely to sue if they’ve had a bad experience, that’s good. But our customers also feel when the employee gives them a positive experience. It makes them feel warm and appreciated and they will be likely to share this with their friends.
I think we can all list out certain businesses that make us feel this way. Every time I go to a Costco or a Chic-Fil-A, I feel a certain warmth in the environment. The people are friendly. They seem to care about my experience, and they are willing to view me as more than a walking credit card.
The Ritz Carlton is the absolute best at conveying this feeling. It’s a lifestyle for them.
Costco is known for making it a priority to pay above market for their employees. They make it a priority to treat them well. When one of their stores unionized recently, management sent a letter apologizing to their employees because they felt they had failed their organization. If people felt the need to unionize to be heard, they felt they had failed as managers to listen.
There Aren’t Many Malicious People. We’re Not Self-Aware
Christine Porath started her journey believing that she would find lots of malicious managers. They would have bad intentions, want to hurt people and belittle people.
She didn’t find them. What she found instead were a lot of people who weren’t aware of the damage they were causing.
This is a massive thought. I know it’s been true of myself. I’ve spent lots of money and time with people who can help me understand the way I come across. I never mean to hurt people, but I do.
This is true of everyone. The book makes a point to say that when we measure ourselves, we do it by our intentions. We don’t mean to hurt someone’s feelings, belittle their work, or ostracize people. We do it by accident.
When we measure other people’s actions, we don’t measure them based on their intention, we do it based on the outcomes of their actions.
This makes it all that much more important to understand our wake.
Christine created this self-assessment. I encourage you to try it. It can help you find some pointers on ways to improve.
Conclusion
The book has a lot more information to give. It dives into team management. It goes into more detail about managing ourselves. I encourage everyone to read it. Sometimes the simplest ideas are the best and they repeat themselves in many formats.
Treating people well is profitable. And it’s free.
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